13 hours ago with 1 notes Reblog 
Anonymous
Is it true that guys will be scared of me because they knew that I have been with a black guy?

Why would someone be scared of you based off of who you’ve been with in the past? More over, why is it any of their business? (Spoiler: it’s not.) 

To put a real fine point on it, if ANYONE judges you for who you’ve been with in the past they don’t deserve to be with you now. And if they’re judging you based off the skin color of someone you’ve been with in the past they are straight up racist. 

-Dani

tagged as: Anonymous;  



14 hours ago with 729372 notes Reblog / via / source
"‎’Slut’ is attacking women for their right to say yes. ‘Friend Zone’ is attacking women for their right to say no."

And “bitch” is attacking women for their right to call you on it (via pax-caelestis)



16 hours ago with 30 notes Reblog 
Anonymous
There's a post going around Tumblr of a Facebook screen cap of an iPod with a micro USB cord in it that says "I swear it's my first time!" Long story short, a commenter explains that most people are tight/loose because of attractiveness to the partner. Any confirmation on this?

UUUUUUUUGH. I saw this “joke” earlier and it pisses me the fuck off. (Not your question, the stupid picture and bullshit commentary from dudebros who wouldn’t know a wet vagina if it bit them in the face.)

A vagina is easier to penetrate when it’s properly lubricated. A vagina often (not always) self lubricates when the person is aroused. Therefore, if someone is very turned on their vagina should in theory be easier to penetrate. It’s not really about “attractiveness” so much as arousal. Sometimes arousal happens even when you’re not attracted to someone because it’s a physical response. It’s just important to separate out the two when we’re talking about autonomic responses. 

I’m being intentionally vague by saying things like “in theory” because not all vagina’s work the same way. Not all vagina’s naturally lubricate either. Some vagina’s, even when the person is aroused, will still be difficult to penetrate for any number of reasons. 

This bullshit that you can tell how much sex someone has had based on how easy it is to get a penis/finger/dildo into their vagina just fills me with rage. Like seriously. Worry more on getting your partner off than who’s been there before you. You’re with them now, make the best of it, make your experience with them in that moment be worth remembering. 

And for the love of Christ, let’s all just quit making “jokes” that’s sole purpose is to slut shame and perpetuate some kind of purity myth. It’s gross and that shit isn’t even funny or clever. Make better jokes. Jokes will get you laid, but not shitty ones like this. 

-Dani

tagged as: sexism;  facebook sexism;  sexist jokes;  slut shaming;  Anonymous;  



16 hours ago with 4 notes Reblog 
Anonymous
Hi! I've got problem with my girlfriend. She often gives me handjobs and blowjobs but doesn't let me return the favor and touch her lady parts. And belive me I really, really want to. I tell her that she doesn't have to do this things for me but she says she wants to. When I ask why she won't let me touch her she says she doesn't want to or isn't in mood, end of topic. I don't understand. I feel like shitty selfish lover when I'm not. You're women maybe you have any idea what might be going on?

She doesn’t want to. She doesn’t have to give you an explanation. You’ve offered, she’s declined. Regardless of what her reason is, you’ve done your part to make it clear you’re interested in returning the favor (therefore you’re not selfish.) and it’s up to her to decide if she’s okay with doing those things. 

Don’t keep asking. Don’t pressure her. You can let her know that you’re interested in making her feel good too and that when she’s ready all she has to do is let you know and then let it drop. Until she gives you the green light, leave it alone. 

-Dani

tagged as: consent;  giving and receiving;  Anonymous;  



18 hours ago with 2 notes Reblog 
Anonymous
Hey ladies! In response to the question about sex hurting for people with penises: my boyfriend says it can hurt when he tries to penetrate me when I'm not lubricated enough. The skin on the penis may be pulled as someone is trying to penetrate. So, the penis may go in if someone isn't lubricated, but the skin on the penis may not move as smoothly as it would into a vagina/anus that was properly lubed.

That totally makes sense. And doesn’t sound like a good time for anyone. 

Point one for making sure everyone is lubed up and ready to go before putting parts in other parts. 

tagged as: Anonymous;  



19 hours ago with 2 notes Reblog 
Anonymous
Hey ladies. I was talking to my boyfriend the other day about sex. We are both virgins but we talk about it a lot. We were talking about like how much would it really hurt, and he said that it would hurt him too. I had never heard of a guy being in pain during sex...He said that it would feel like it was in a clamp because its tight. Is that true?

As someone who is not currently in possession of a penis I can’t rightly say. I’ve also never heard that before. 

I’m going to open this up to feedback from our readers: penis havers, what say ye?

-Dani

(Also, please see my last post about how sex shouldn’t hurt for you either.) 

tagged as: Anonymous;  



23 hours ago with 5 notes Reblog 
Anonymous
I have a question that I'm genuinely confused about. Everyone always says that a woman's vagina doesn't get loose after having sex with alot of people and even after childbirth it can shrink back down to it's original size. But if that's the case then how come whenever a virgin has sex for the first time it sometimes hurts, but then when you have sex more it gets more comfortable? Because the vagina is expanding right? If it always shrinks back down wouldn't sex hurt every time? Idk...

So there are a few things at work here: 

1) Sex can be painful for people who haven’t had a lot of it for a few reasons, usually that they’re not lubricated enough and because the muscles in their vagina may not have been used in that way before. Much like working out for the first time, or for the first time after a long break, when you use muscles that aren’t used to it, it can get sore. But usually the painful first time is the result of not enough lubrication, not enough time to “warm up” and a general nervousness about being penetrated that can make you tense up. Because we keep perpetuating this idea that sex is going to hurt the first time so people think it will and they can’t relax and then, lo and behold, it hurts. 

2) The muscles in the vagina can be trained like any other muscle. The vagina is a magical place that can accommodate 6-10 lbs of HOLY COW A BABY IS COMING OUT OF THERE and then be relatively back to it’s original shape within days/weeks. That doesn’t mean it’s completely unaltered, our bodies (all of our bodies not just our reproductive organs) change over time and use. That’s normal.

I know it’s confusing because we’ve been taught that if you’re “tight” that sex should hurt. But that’s just not true. It can, sure, but seriously this is what foreplay is about. It’s the whole point. The more turned on and/or lubricated you are the less painful sex will be. Don’t assume that just because you’re inexperienced you have to suffer through painful sex. If your body isn’t giving you enough natural lubrication, buy some and use that. It’s why it exists and every body is different. Not all vagina’s naturally lubricate enough to make sex comfortable. 

Sex doesn’t have to hurt. And just because it doesn’t doesn’t mean your vagina is loose either. Sex is supposed to feel good. 

-Dani

tagged as: vaginas;  vagina;  sex;  foreplay;  lubrication;  lube;  Anonymous;  



1 day ago with 1 notes Reblog 
Anonymous
I apologize if this has been asked before, but I didn't find it in the tags or FAQ- what are your personal opinions on Laci Green? I've gotten so many mixed messages about her and I can't quite decide how I feel. I respect both of your opinions and you two give great advice so I'm curious to hear what you think

Honestly I don’t know much about her. I’ve read/seen a few things she’s put out and we’re pretty much on the same general wave length. I’m sad that she basically got bullied into silence. Even if I didn’t agree with her I don’t think that death threats are an effective way to voice objection to someone’s view points. 

She’s young, she said some fucked up things while she was still learning about the things she’s talking about. Everyone makes mistakes. She’s apologized for saying those things (for those that don’t know, early on in her “career” making videos about sex positivity she used the transphobic slur “tranny” and made a comment that was Islamophobic as well.) 

Here’s a pretty decent, if not somewhat biased, overview of the controversy

Basically it boils down to this: people make mistakes and as long as they recognize that it was a mistake and do their best to make it right and move forward, it shouldn’t undo all the positive that they’ve done. 

If I remember correctly I think she’s back and doing videos again, right? So I encourage everyone to check them out and make up their mind about her based on what she’s doing now and how she’s handled herself when she gets called out. 

-Dani

co-signed.

I was pretty put off by her during that aforementioned learning phase, mostly because instead of apologizing, she went on the defense. HOWEVER, as time has passed, she’s righted a lot of wrongs that she made, and her advice is still REALLY GOOD for the most part.

Do I agree with 100% everything that she says, no. Does she still say SOME stuff that I find problematic, yes. But she is still a good resource.

-Shannon

tagged as: Anonymous;  laci green;  sex+;  



1 day ago with 1 notes Reblog 
Anonymous
Just out of curiosity, do you ladies ever get any troll questions? Like questions you know are obviously fake or to goad you?

It’s hard to say with certainty. We try to take them seriously whenever possible. If something feels really weird we just delete it. If something is an obvious attempt to goad us, we usually take the bait and answer anyway. Because it’s a teachable moment. 

We actually don’t get very many of those though. We’ve been very lucky to have mostly very sincere readers who just want answers. When we happen across a troll it’s few and far between. 

-Dani

tagged as: Anonymous;  



1 day ago with 9 notes Reblog 
Anonymous
Yesterday I had sex, but from the moment we started cuddling and finished having sex, it all felt like a dream and unreal. I didn't physically feel anything. Not even his skin against mine or his touch. Is there any reason for that? :(

That sounds like something called disassociation. It’s a pretty common reaction to stress and discomfort. It’s important to know that sometimes our bodies react in ways we wouldn’t expect. Disassociation happens a lot for people when their body thinks they’re distressed, it’s a way to protect ourselves from feeling things or experiencing things that are unpleasant. 

I’m not saying that you find sex unpleasant, but if there was something going on with you either emotionally or physically that caused that kind of reaction it’s not unusual at all. A lot of people who have a history of physical or sexual violence experience disassociation during close physical intimacy. 

It’s hard to say exactly what happened without knowing a lot more information about you. But I would suggest talking to a therapist or medical professional if it’s something that keeps happening or is bothering you. 

Moving forward if it starts to feel that way again, you can always stop for a while. It could just be that you were preoccupied and you sort of checked out emotionally. I’ve done that before. When that happens I like to take a little break and really force myself to focus on a sensation. Not anything sexual either, just like, holding hands. Or running your fingers through your partners hair. Sometimes it helps to vocalize what you’re feeling too. It can be helpful as a grounding technique to bring you back into the moment. 

"I love how smooth your fingers feel when I touch them with mine."

"Your eyes are a stunning shade of green, with little flecks of gold in them, right now. The way the light hits them makes them light up." 

Or if all that feels like too much, just stop. Take a break. Go for a walk or take a shower or watch a movie. Do something completely different. Return to sexual activities when you feel really present again. 

-Dani

tagged as: disassociation;  sex advice;  Anonymous;  

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