We are not particularly in the business of being gentle. We’re called Real Talk Sex Advice for a reason.
The reason why I was as forthright as I was is that his language set my teeth on edge, his thinking was borderline predatory and that shit just does not fly with us.
I appreciate that you’re voicing an opinion, and I hear what you’re saying. I’m defending my stance here because honestly, I think the world could use a little more straight talk and a little less pulling punches.
Okay, there’s some seriously problematic language happening here. Like, real not okay. And I’m going to challenge you to hear what I have to say and take it to heart and not just become defensive because I’m about to call you out, okay?
Virginity is fucked up concept to begin with. It has no actual bearing on a human beings worth or merit as a person or a sexual partner. That’s thing one. The thing you’re obsessing over doesn’t even exist.
Second of all, you don’t “take” something from another person in regards to sexual encounters. You say, “I’ve never took a virginity.” and it really squicks me out. Think about the connotation associated with the word “take.” It’s not about love or pleasure, it’s about ownership. You don’t own another person’s sexual experience. Ever. It’s theirs. You can participate in someone else’s sexual experience at their invitation.
You don’t take shit, you hear me?
It does not matter who was there before you. It has absolutely no bearing whatsoever on you being there now. You should be honored that you have been invited to enjoy someone else’s flesh, their body and their pleasure. You should respect that the choice to share that with anyone, you or someone before you or someone after you, is a very personal decision and you should trust that the person making it is doing so because they find you desirable.
What you’re doing by obsessing about virginity is you’re dehumanizing the person you would potentially be having sex with. Reducing them down to this tiny fact about themselves, that they’re sexually inexperienced, is fucked up beyond belief. You’re saying you like the idea of fucking a concept more than a person. Woah, there son, that’s jacked.
I encourage you to take a few steps back and reevaluate what exactly it is that you’re so hung up on about virginity. Because if it’s this concept of purity you need to take a long hard look at your motives. Having sex does not make you un-pure. And not having sex doesn’t make you pure.
Let it go. Enjoy who you’re with now, enjoy who you’ll be with in the future and worry less about who they’ve been with in the past. Feel honored that you get to be with them now.
“abortion is a permanent decision”
so is…having baby…..
You go at the pace that feels right for you. That’s it. There are no rules about when you’re supposed to do various acts.
Sex has consequences, obviously, and it’s always a good idea to be comfortable enough with a partner to be able to tell them what you want and need out of an encounter, but short of that: do what feels right to you.
Awww!!! You’re a peach, Darlin’! We don’t care where you hail from as long as you get something out of these posts and learn a little something about yourself. It took a LOT of trial and error to get where we are, and we’re happy to help anyone else out in any way we can!
xoxo, Shannon & Dani
I HAAAAAAAAAAAATE Astroglide!!!
It gets sticky super quick, is made with cheap crappy ingredients that give me a yeast infection EVERY time I use it, and sometimes I think it might be impossible to intentionally make a product that does worse than it when it comes to it’s one single job, which is to lubricate.
Sorry. I feel really strongly about Astroglide.
I recommend Pink lubricant as a starter lube, which is a water and silicone hybrid lube, available at places as every day as Walgreens and CVS, and usually in the $7-$8 price range for a bottle.
Silicone lubes cost more because you don’t need to use much at all to get really slippery, and they have staying power. Your bits will be slippery for hours (or if you use a whole lot, DAYS, seriously). A hybrid silicone and water lube is great because it has the super slippery feel of silicone, but without the ultra staying power that can make clean up kind of tiring (“why is this part of me STILL slippery, I used a moist towelette and everything!?!”).
I’m really happy you asked, because I wouldn’t recommend Astroglide to anyone… I know it works for some people, I know it’s cheap and readily available everywhere, but it’s just not something I could ever RECOMMEND someone use. There’s just so many other kinds of lube that work better, so much better.
Implantation bleeding happens after a fertilized egg travels down to the uterus and implants itself in the uterine lining. This can take a few days after sex to occur.
As well, implantation bleeding is usually MUCH lighter than a normal period, more like a light spotting than a period really. And not everyone who becomes pregnant experiences implantation bleeding. I didn’t have any at all, for example.
7-10 days after sex.
It could be. Remove one of the variables (try a latex condom that isn’t pre-lubed for example) and see if you still have a reaction. Keep trying until you find some combination of condom and lube that doesn’t make you react that way. If you try several things, including non-latex condoms, and still have a reaction, talk to your doctor about it. If you find that you don’t have a reaction with non-latex condoms, you’ll want to let your medical providers moving forward that you may have an allergy to latex as well.
If you got your period after ovulation and unprotected sex, I don’t know why you would miss your next period. Unless you get pregnant after this period and before the next one.
There’s no guarantee that just because you put sperm in your vagina near ovulation that you’ll get pregnant. There are a lot of other factors at play every month and they all have to come together in just the right way to result in a viable pregnancy.
Some people do have some bleeding the first month of a pregnancy (not the same as period blood usually though) so if you think you may still be pregnant, and it’s been more than two weeks after when you think you conceived, you should be able to get an accurate result on a home pregnancy test.
I think that human sexuality is complex and ever-changing and that if you find someone attractive and they find you attractive and you guys decide you want to fool around and see where it goes, that is absolutely natural and a normal thing to do.
In my life I have been attracted to all kinds of people and it has rarely mattered if they identify as a man, a woman or something outside the binary. In fact I tend to be more attracted to people outside the binary than in for reasons I’ve never really figured out. (I also don’t question it either. I like it, I don’t need to know why.) I just find something very alluring about people who do their own thing and don’t conform to any one prescribed standard of gender presentation. I like men in eyeliner and lingerie and women in bow ties and slacks and non-binary people in both as well. Shit, if you can rock a pair of fishnets and a bow tie at the same time, I’ll probably faint. I also am very attracted to confident people who know who they are and don’t care if it’s not what people expect. I find that particularly sexy.
I think closing ourselves off to an attraction we feel just because we currently identify as one orientation or another is super limiting and quite frankly, sorta sad. Why would you want to not explore a mutual attraction to anyone, especially based on what parts they have?
Like, I get not following through on an attraction because the other person kicks puppies or listens to shitty music or is a Libertarian or something, but if it’s just about parts that’s silly.
So, my advice is this, if you find someone you’re attracted to be less worried about where that places you on the identity spectrum and be more worried about how they take their coffee in the morning.